Many Loves? Yes, more please and thank you!

While reminiscing & recalling all of the things that I miss as a kid, I reminded myself of something rather interesting I had totally forgotten about:

Around the age of 11 or 12, I managed to have my first polyamorous relationship. To employ the correct term, I was Polyandrous. In the span of about a month, I was asked "would you go with me" five times. Surely, I gave it great thought each time as I was so deep in intuitive at this age as one could imagine, LOL. I just didn't want to say "no" I thought they were all cool and they were okay with it. So, why not? It was fun though. I couple of them went to my school and the others went to nearby schools. It worked out since I'd see them at different places I'd attend on a regular basis. That would be the time we'd catch up and play. Of course, it didn't last long. Just a few months, but pretty cool. Sadly, that didn't happen again which started my arduous struggle with Monogamy.

You and ONLY you? I guess...Admittedly, I subscribed to the monogamous love-stlye without much fight. Even after my awesome experience at such a young age. Sadly, I've always struggled with being monogamous; always cheating at the very lest, emotionally. There was never just one person I felt I could spend the rest of my life with. I could adjust, adapt and been relatively happy, but that would've been about it. Having more than one person to connect with on an intimate level-just thinking about it makes me smile-makes sense, even in theory. I've always found it hard to believe that one person was meant to be my 'everything'. On the bright side, my struggle with Monogamy is over. 

Fast Forward over 20 years...and I'm returning to my love roots! LMAO During a break from Facebook, I was added to a Black & Poly group. During my break, I started my research about Polyamory. Imagine my surprise, when finding articles, blogs, pics etc of happily partnered people! Some of these folks are living in triads, quads, a combination of LDR's etc. Some have combined lives & are living their happily ever after. Having babies, vacations, attending church, working...the whole shebang. Which is AWESOME...The thought occurred that I could have this for myself; being bisexual, it could work out to be perfect for me. So long as everyone is in the know & agrees of course. Needles to say, I've recently begun my Poly journey. Which has proven to be eye-opening and interesting to say the least. Not only in regards to my own behavior, but those that I am pursuing relationships(of varying types) with.Finding people in my area who I'm compatible with seems to be worse than looking for a needle in a hay stack, but I'm excited about the new connections. 

Having the chance to simply connect with someone without the pretense of a monogamous relationship. Getting to know a person simply because you want to know them makes a difference in how one connects...okay that was a bit of a tangent...another time for that.

Growth

Tonight, I've realized that I still have a lot more growth ahead of me. Personally, I feel as though I'm a work in progress anyway. I prefer to refer to my change & growth as an evolution of sorts seeing as my Under & Over-standing of things around me have truly evolved. One could only assume it would be a matter of time before I arrived in the mental & emotional space I'm in today. As I am ever evolving & don't plan on remaining on any single plateau for the rest of my days. 

Looking back over the last three years, I've evolved quite a bit just on my own. Not even taking into account the experiences that have acted as a catalyst for said evolution. The way I used to behave or respond to whatever came my way is totally different to how I would react nowadays. Some things that used to bother me don't even make it to my radar. It's been said that my demeanor is just "too cool" sometimes. I say I don't see the point in getting riled up by everything that comes my way. Sometimes, I just file things away as something to be paid attention to when other events present themselves. Kind of like an 'if/then' response.

Learning & Building

Building a lifelong bond with another has to be intentional. Getting to know someone intimately is a beautiful thing. Not in the carnal sense of course, but knowing their habits and the like. Being the natural people watcher I am, I enjoy learning what makes one tick. What makes them get out of bed in the morning & on their mind as their head hits the pillow. That type of thing. However, getting to that point of intimacy can prove to be an arduous task even in the realm of only building a friendship. Like many, what I'm looking for (need) is much deeper and more involved than that. Learning another is much like a chess game in that they watch your every move & counter (most times) accordingly.